I gave up alcohol 4 weeks ago today after 5 years of binging, Anyway while I feel great for doing it on the like of tonight a Sat night I am bored stupid without it. I gave up as I did have a problem and it was causing anxiety and depression which have lifted in the past month but I can’t help feeling slightly bored.
I went out last night and didn’t drink and it was so boring, In a hot smell club sober it was awful.
So you don’t have to give any details unless you really want to share (this could get interesting).
Start counting, from the top of your head (hair loss, lice…) to the tip of your toes (ingrown toenail…). From the inside (migraines, stomach ache, broken bone…) to the outside (acne, itchy skin…). From the temporary (cold, hangover…) to the everlasting (diabetes, arthritis…). From the mild (insomnia, depression…) to the severe (insomnia, depression, cancer…).
Don’t forget the bad vision and the teeth that need to be straightened and also dormant conditions you know you have but have no symptoms (herpes simplex, hepatitis C…).
I was with the same girl for 12 years. We lived together for most of that time. I truly love her, yet I have lied to and cheated on her the entire time. More times than I can count with more people than I can name.
I’ve been borderline/bi-polar my whole life, and along with alcohol and drugs, I’ve always used sex as a means of self-medication.
I’m sure that there a dozen legitimate psychological excuses for my behavior.
Insecurity, personal validation through conquest, seeking acceptance from women to make up for my horrible relationship with my mother.
Hell, one or two of them may even be valid.
But they DO NOT excuse my behavior, and they do not help ease the crushing guilt that I feel every time I think of what I have done.
After a brief split we are about to get back together.
I want this to be different. I want to be a better person who deserves her.
I’m not quite right, mentally or emotionally.
Basically a self-destructive, borderline alcoholic who has bouts of depression and suicidal behavior.
Yet she has stuck by me and helped keep me sane.
I’ve always prided myself on providing for her. A roof over our heads and food on our table, but she has never asked for anything from me except the one thing I have consistently failed to provide; my time and attention.
A while ago, I had a bad sexual experience (not a rape, but a definite loss of sexual control due to alcohol and dissociation)
My symptoms are as follows:
-thoughts about the event that consume hours a day
-vivid memories/ recollections of the event
-guilt/ regret
-self blame
-avoidance of certain places/ people
-trouble sleeping/ occasional flashbacks
-anger/ depression
-self injury
-feelings of shame and powerlessness
In support of To Write Love on Her Arms, you should write “love” on your arm on November 13th, 2009, National To Write Love on Her Arms Day. This is not an event that you ATTEND, you just simply write “love” on your arm in support.
My son gave me some stolen-3D specs (lenses fell out) in our local pub and told me to wave like the Queen for 30 secs…. don’t even watch it. Do something else with your life-like I should LOL!!!
