Dealing with depression?
I’ve been depressed for quite some time now, and I would very much like to not be anymore.
I used to be the person who loves life more than anything else, and the one who counseled others on their problems. I’ve had depressing things happen to me. I’ve seen death on many occassions, and I’ve held dead children in my hands, but after Sept. 1st, I’ve done many many things that have led to a depression that I cannot fight my way out of.
On Sept. 1st, my girlfriend who I loved completely, and learned the true meaning of love, lost her father, leaving her bereft of most of her family. Her mother died when she was young, and most of her aunts and uncles passed away as well. Needless to say, it was a very hard time for her, and very hard for me as well, as I was unable to help her. She began to become distanced from the world, and from me as well, which began to break my heart, but I stayed strong for her, and to give her someone to depend on. However, she eventually told me that she no longer felt the same way about me, and wanted to take a break. Now that was devastating to me, but I still clung to the fact that at least I still had my beloved life to hold onto, my family, and a few close friends to confide in.
Well I began to do things that I greatly regret in an attempt to find something to fill the enormous gap in my life I now had. I drank even more excessively than I already did. I smoked weed for the first time ever, and did so twice. I lost all interest and motivation in college, and as such, my previously good grades plummeted. I betrayed family, and betrayed friends, and every time I did such things, my morale and depresion sank deeper, causing me to do even more things I greatly regret. I used people, and betrayed myself. I lost control of my rage, got into fights, and let loose my rage on people who didn’t deserve it. I distanced myself from family and friends, and even let my emotions affect my job in the Fire Department. I hurt many people, and lost sight of my future.
Now I know the loss of the woman I love in my life is the root cause of my depression, but it is not the MAIN cause of it. The actions I did after the fact are. I went from being the person who’s life was devoted to helping everyone else, to the person who hurts everyone else, and that fact I cannot live with.
Through my depression, I even considered giving up the one thing I held above all else: my life. I just would not consider doing it myself. I began to wish that bad things would happen to me, just so that I wouldn’t have to deal with everything else. I began to imagine myself being in car accidents, dying in fires, and having a bad reaction with medicine and alcohol which would cause me to at least lay in a hospital bed and see who cared enough to come visit. I began to not sleep, and I lost my will to live.
I am beyond all that now, yet my extreme loneliness augmented my depression still exists. I also still cannot sleep.
If you have motivated yourself to read through all of that, then maybe you know of a way to help me, or somewhere I can look for help. Any help on my above situation would be greatly appreciated.
so a few more details. after reading many of these answers, I realized that I left many things out.
1. (I might have included this, but I lack the motivation to check.) It is extremely hard for me to relax. My counselor has told me this, and has tried many things to help me relax, all of which have failed.
2. Megan (the girls name) is transferring to my school next semester, which has the potential to be disastrous.
3. Megan is seeing someone else now. She actually started seeing him 2 months after breaking up with me.
4. I don’t trust any medication that messes with my consciousness or mental facilities. It took me a while before I would trust myself taking nyquil. (When I did, I took excessive amounts, along with many other night time drugs, along with tylenol PM, benedryl, and some alcohol to wash it all down in attempt at relaxation) None of these helped me sleep, but they did make me quite unsteady in the morning…
Tagged with: dealing • Depression
Filed under: Alcohol Depression Causes
Like this post? Subscribe to my RSS feed and get loads more!
seek the kingdom of God first and His love, and God will give you a right woman in you life. God is only can heal your depression.
First of all GO TO A DOCTOR and tell them everything that you have written here. There are many different pills that they can give you to help with your depression. My husband and I are both on anti-depressants for different reasons, mine being postpartom depression, my husband’s PTSD. Anti-depressants really help and help you function better. If you don’t want to take prescription drugs, there is a supplement that you can buy over the counter, Wal-Mart even carries it, its called 5-HTP. My doctor suggested that I try this before she put me on anti-depressants. It helps naturally regulate the imbalance. In my case it wasn’t enough. It helped a bit but not completely. Best of luck.
First off, you’ve helped others so let me help you now. First off, I lost my Nona 7 months ago and I sought rage against family members because she died from liver failure, so I can see why your girl wanted her distance. Secondlly who doesn’t take people for granted…. WE ALL DO. only till they die do we realize what we’ve been doing. Next seek help, last year, i felt myse;f slipping from not going to school in the winter (college) and I had severe depression and anxiety, my world was full of fear, black and white, and sad, that’s when I needed to seek perfesional help and twelve months later here I am. Got my life back together with a little medication and a lot of family love. You need your family tell them how you feel, it’s never a good idea to have your emotions all bottled up, let someone you know how you fell maybe they can help you. Finally there are so many things good in life that in order to see them we all must experience a little hell to reach heaven if you get my drift.
BTW This song is sad but it might help relieve some of the pain you might be experiencing but yet cant express it though
It’s alright man, live goes on so will you, you’ll get over this and months later say to yourself, “I wonder why I felt like that?” It’ll be alright
God Bless and Good Luck My Friend
I read each word of your question.I have realistic solutions for that.Read it
== Consult a psychiatrist ,coz with the passage of time,it cud severe
==Be calm all the time
==Relax ur body,avoid to tense ur muscles
==Lay down,close ur eyes,rub all the feelings,statements that are coming on the board of ur mind.clear the SCREEN of ur mind.have a sound sleep
==walk in the street,look at the people,imagine those might have more severe problems than you
==Never give the control of ur mind to the anxieties.You yourself control ur mind.
==Help others
==Forget that girl or talk again.She might be fine now.If Not than world is nt over yet.
You experienced a significant loss (when your girl friend suggested a break). That appears to have started a downward spiral and worsened the depression that you were already experiencing. Your apparent self-awareness about the self-destructive behavior you engaged in is encouraging and I think you should seek help from a credentialed therapist – perhaps from a family-counseling agency in whatever community you live in. Don’t delay – talking with someone can help and, if your depression is severe, medication may also be indicated. You owe it to yourself to get the help you need.
I was first officially diagnosed with depression 40 years ago. The doctor that diagnosed me was one I sought out as a young teenager because I knew something was wrong, but didn’t know what it was or how to deal with it. After months of treatment and different drugs I realized nothing was changing so I quit seeing him. For the next 30 – 35 years I had different therapists and treatments and nothing helped much. Then a friend of a friend was talking to me and started asking me some questions. Then she gave me a book about ADHD. When I started reading it I found it was almost exactly my life story. So I was treated for that after being diagnosed officially. But I was still depressed. For the next few years I continued with unsuccessful treatments. Quite by accident I entered a behavioral health clinic that suited me well. After a couple years there I feel great. I’m not cured, because you are never immune to depression, but now I control the depression. It does not control me. The point is this. You can be treated and you can beat this. The absolute hardest part is going from therapist to therapist and treatment to treatment until you find the one that works for you. The battle is yours to win, or lose. The harder and faster you fight, the quicker you will win. Just know before you start, everything will disappoint you and seem useless. Everything, that is, until you find the winning combination. Then it will all make sense to you as you sit back and smile.
Sorry to hear about your sadness. I know it really sucks to lose a partner you really love, as most of us have gone through it at least once.
Did you know that no matter what “horrible” things you’ve done in the past, it’s never to late to change? I’ve been through phases where I didn’t even know who I was anymore. I was doing things that I normally wouldn’t do. I would do things on impulse and not think it through the way I usually have in the past. I got to the point where I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror anymore, and I felt as though no one truly loved me or cared about me.
It was tough to start, but I slowly began doing respectable things. I would go out of my way to do something nice for a family member, even though I was nasty to them or whatever. I wanted them to see that I am the same person and that the time in my life when I went crazy are over. I wanted to let them know that I am a wonderful, beautiful, loving, and caring person. I wanted to let them know without having to say it, though. I wanted them to see it. I started waking up thinking what one thing I can do that day that makes me happy. The one day was washing my mom’s car. Not that I love doing it, but it made me happy that I made her happy rather than sad. Another day I wanted to go for a walk in the park and breathe in the crisp, fall air. Another day I called an old friend that I haven’t talked to in years. After a while, doing things to make me happy started coming naturally without having to think about it. Making others happy was making me happy, and spending time by myself relishing in the beauty around me really started helping me feel better. Once I started feeling like I was a wonderful, beautiful, caring, and loving again was momentus. I You can’t be happy with anyone else if you aren’t happy with yourself first. I learned to love myself again, rather than hate the monster I had become. I brought my self-esteem and self-worth back, and you can to. When a child does something bad, then another, and another, and each time he is scolded and told he’s bad, he will start believing it himself and really have a low opinion of who he is. It’s like that with grown-ups too. Some are very strong that won’t let anything anyone says bring them down, but I think most of us unfortunately aren’t like that.
Once you start feeling better about yourself, make amends with people you’ve hurt, and once you start living life again, you will find another wonderful “love of your life” woman. Self-confidence is very attractive.
I’m sorry about what your ex girlfriend went through. It had to be tough for her. She probably needed time to herself to take everything in. She may never want to get back with you and I hope you are okay with that. There have been a couple of guys that I thought were custom-made for me by God and the love of my life; I would’ve done anything for them. I think you have to watch when you start feeling like this about someone. I know in my case I got maniacal and smothering. That is a big turn off for guys and girls. I don’t know how you were with your ex, but maybe she felt smothered. Maybe not. The main point being, there are so many women out there that will make you feel lovesick and ready to murder for them (figuratively speaking of course). You just have to work on yourself before they are going to be drawn to you.
We all lose people close to us and it sucks big time. It’s something every human has to go through at some point in their life. I dread the day I lose my parents, but I know it’s inevitable and I just have to try and live life not worrying about it. I have a son and believe me, I could have a breakdown thinking about losing him! I hope you find relief in your sadness and grieving of lost loved ones. Grieve however long it takes; you will eventually learn to accept that they are gone though you still hate it. I believe I will see them again, and that brings me comfort. I grieved for a while first, of course. One has to. It’s normal.
You are somebody, you are an important human being, you are a beautiful person. Don’t let any negative actions you’ve done in the past take over who you think you are. It’s never too late to clean the slate. Good luck to you and go live life again.
Stop drinking and smoking weed. Alcohol is bad for depression and smoking weed is really, really bad for depression. Smoking weed is probably the worst thing you could do. I found that out the really hard way.
It’s okay though, because you aren’t a full blown alcoholic, so cutting back shouldn’t be that hard, and you aren’t smoking tons of weed so you aren’t dependent in any way.
You are in college, so it is probably hard to stop drinking, but you can do it. You don’t have to stop completely unless you think you need to, … you probably know how much you need to cut back.
It is okay that you were an a-hole when you got drunk. I’ve been through almost 4 years of college, and some of the most moral, conscientious, kind-hearted people I’ve known have acted like complete idiots once or twice when they got drunk, and did some things that made them feel bad for a long while. It happens sometimes, man. Forgive yourself, and just realize that if you start drinking, you might start acting crazy again, and things should work out.
It happened to me. I’ve gotten drunk and used people, had pointless drunken sex, was an a-hole to people, got in one or two stupid fights, and betrayed my friends (including my best friend … that hurt, and still hurts to this day).
The love of your life left you. That is fine. It sucks worse than almost anything, but it happens to lots of people. You need to not dwell on that, and keep living. You were healthly enough to maintain a relationship with that girl for a while! That’s something I and many other people can’t do right now. I’m not healthy enough to maintain a relationship with any girl, (much less even talk to them because I have some anxiety problems). And if she doesn’t want to continue then you should probably accept that, because the alternative is denial.
It sounds like to me that you are a very healthy person (much healthier than I am) who is just going through a really, really rough time, and you’re having a hard time forgiving yourself for what you did. Apologize to anyone you think you should apologize to, forgive yourself, stop drinking so much, and all this will pass, man.
Then, you will find another great girl, and everything will be okay, and you’ll look back on now a just a really crappy time. College is a weird, weird stage of life, just like highschool was.
Wow. You’ve been through a lot. Although I have not walked the exact path you have, I can say that I know how you feel. I have struggled the last 2 or 3 years with depression just not for the same reasons. I empathize with a lot of what you said — I’ve been there too. I know pat answers like “hang in there and it will all be OK” and “all things work together for good” don’t help much if any.
One of the first things I would suggest to help is (if you haven’t already) go to your friends and family that you hurt and apologize and make things right with them. It’s amazing how much that helps. I’m certain they care and are more concerned about you than you realize.
It sounds like your girlfriend may have went though some depression too with the loss of her father. Are you two on such terms that would allow you to talk to her? I’m not saying try right now to get back together with her, but where she distanced herself from friends and loved ones her break-up with you may not have been you. Could you ask how she’s doing and how you can be a friend to her? She may have just needed some space to sort out her feelings and move on after losing her dad.
I wish I could actually talk to you, it would be so much easier to know what direction to go here. I guess I’ll share a couple things that have really helped me personally. One is something my mom told me. She said you have to count the little victories that feel like defeats. Things like you realized you messed up and made some bad choices in a difficult time. I know that realization and confession does not feel like a victory, but in a way it is. You know where you are and that you don’t want to be there and are seeking help to get where you need and want to be. The fact that you chose to not take your own life is a victory – you’re still choosing to live even though it’s very hard right now and you wish you did have to face the next day. I’m assuming you’re still working with the FD here, I’m certain it’s stressful and all, but just going to work even when you feel like staying home in bed you can count as one of those little victories – I sometimes count the fact that I’m out of bed (whether or not I accomplish anything else that day) as a victory. It’s OK to get creative on that one
, OK?
I know you may not like what I’m going to say here and you may not agree with me on this one, but please just hear me out. OK? It really helped me to know how much God cares for and loves me. I’m still learning this one, but I would encourage you to take the time to consider. God loves you! He knows exactly what you are going through and how you feel. What’s more, He’s the Great Physician who can heal the wounds and sicknesses of your heart, soul and spirit. There is nothing you can do to make Him love you more; and there is nothing you can do to make Him love you less. God loves you with a perfect, everlasting, unconditional love. I’m going to give you a few verses that have helped me and a few suggestions for further reading. I hope you’ll take the time to consider these thoughts. (I use a King James Version Bible, often abbreviated as KJV. I don’t know how familiar you are with the Bible, but it’s a collection of books in one volume. References go – book ch:vs) Isaiah 49:16 says “Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me.” Psalm 139 is really good especially verses 17-18: “How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee.” Jeremiah 29:11 says “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” John 3:16-18 tells us “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved. He that believes on him is not condemned: but he that believes not is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.” Remember that God loves you so much that He came to earth as a man, Jesus Christ, and died on a cross in our place to pay the penalty for our sins. Romans 6:23 says “For the wages (payment) of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.” Not only that, but He then conquered death through His resurrection (1Corinthians 15:12-23) so that we too can have victory. You can read more about that in the Gospel of John. I would also suggest reading the Psalms. I’ll close this by saying that as much as God wants to be a part of your life and help you through this difficult time you are in and all the ones that will come later, He is a gentleman. He will not come where He is not invited. In Genesis chapters 1
dude, i know how it feels.. im not saying this like someone who feels for you.. we dont hve the same story but i was also a good person who become a user and betrayed ppl.. i know what u mean by yer gf is the root but what depresses u the most is the things u did after and that is doing things that u should’ve controlled but didn’t.. am i right?? that is fucking hard… i really hope that i can say something to ease you but i dont since im on the same situation.. you feel guilty now dont u? i think that u hve to first forgive yourself and take those guilt out..