One of the first things I would suggest to help is (if you haven’t already) go to your friends and family that you hurt and apologize and make things right with them. It’s amazing how much that helps. I’m certain they care and are more concerned about you than you realize.

It sounds like your girlfriend may have went though some depression too with the loss of her father. Are you two on such terms that would allow you to talk to her? I’m not saying try right now to get back together with her, but where she distanced herself from friends and loved ones her break-up with you may not have been you. Could you ask how she’s doing and how you can be a friend to her? She may have just needed some space to sort out her feelings and move on after losing her dad.

I wish I could actually talk to you, it would be so much easier to know what direction to go here. I guess I’ll share a couple things that have really helped me personally. One is something my mom told me. She said you have to count the little victories that feel like defeats. Things like you realized you messed up and made some bad choices in a difficult time. I know that realization and confession does not feel like a victory, but in a way it is. You know where you are and that you don’t want to be there and are seeking help to get where you need and want to be. The fact that you chose to not take your own life is a victory – you’re still choosing to live even though it’s very hard right now and you wish you did have to face the next day. I’m assuming you’re still working with the FD here, I’m certain it’s stressful and all, but just going to work even when you feel like staying home in bed you can count as one of those little victories – I sometimes count the fact that I’m out of bed (whether or not I accomplish anything else that day) as a victory. It’s OK to get creative on that one , OK?

I know you may not like what I’m going to say here and you may not agree with me on this one, but please just hear me out. OK? It really helped me to know how much God cares for and loves me. I’m still learning this one, but I would encourage you to take the time to consider. God loves you! He knows exactly what you are going through and how you feel. What’s more, He’s the Great Physician who can heal the wounds and sicknesses of your heart, soul and spirit. There is nothing you can do to make Him love you more; and there is nothing you can do to make Him love you less. God loves you with a perfect, everlasting, unconditional love. I’m going to give you a few verses that have helped me and a few suggestions for further reading. I hope you’ll take the time to consider these thoughts. (I use a King James Version Bible, often abbreviated as KJV. I don’t know how familiar you are with the Bible, but it’s a collection of books in one volume. References go – book ch:vs) Isaiah 49:16 says “Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me.” Psalm 139 is really good especially verses 17-18: “How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee.” Jeremiah 29:11 says “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” John 3:16-18 tells us “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved. He that believes on him is not condemned: but he that believes not is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.” Remember that God loves you so much that He came to earth as a man, Jesus Christ, and died on a cross in our place to pay the penalty for our sins. Romans 6:23 says “For the wages (payment) of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.” Not only that, but He then conquered death through His resurrection (1Corinthians 15:12-23) so that we too can have victory. You can read more about that in the Gospel of John. I would also suggest reading the Psalms. I’ll close this by saying that as much as God wants to be a part of your life and help you through this difficult time you are in and all the ones that will come later, He is a gentleman. He will not come where He is not invited. In Genesis chapters 1

It’s okay though, because you aren’t a full blown alcoholic, so cutting back shouldn’t be that hard, and you aren’t smoking tons of weed so you aren’t dependent in any way.

You are in college, so it is probably hard to stop drinking, but you can do it. You don’t have to stop completely unless you think you need to, … you probably know how much you need to cut back.

It is okay that you were an a-hole when you got drunk. I’ve been through almost 4 years of college, and some of the most moral, conscientious, kind-hearted people I’ve known have acted like complete idiots once or twice when they got drunk, and did some things that made them feel bad for a long while. It happens sometimes, man. Forgive yourself, and just realize that if you start drinking, you might start acting crazy again, and things should work out.

It happened to me. I’ve gotten drunk and used people, had pointless drunken sex, was an a-hole to people, got in one or two stupid fights, and betrayed my friends (including my best friend … that hurt, and still hurts to this day).

The love of your life left you. That is fine. It sucks worse than almost anything, but it happens to lots of people. You need to not dwell on that, and keep living. You were healthly enough to maintain a relationship with that girl for a while! That’s something I and many other people can’t do right now. I’m not healthy enough to maintain a relationship with any girl, (much less even talk to them because I have some anxiety problems). And if she doesn’t want to continue then you should probably accept that, because the alternative is denial.

It sounds like to me that you are a very healthy person (much healthier than I am) who is just going through a really, really rough time, and you’re having a hard time forgiving yourself for what you did. Apologize to anyone you think you should apologize to, forgive yourself, stop drinking so much, and all this will pass, man.

Then, you will find another great girl, and everything will be okay, and you’ll look back on now a just a really crappy time. College is a weird, weird stage of life, just like highschool was.

Did you know that no matter what “horrible” things you’ve done in the past, it’s never to late to change? I’ve been through phases where I didn’t even know who I was anymore. I was doing things that I normally wouldn’t do. I would do things on impulse and not think it through the way I usually have in the past. I got to the point where I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror anymore, and I felt as though no one truly loved me or cared about me.

It was tough to start, but I slowly began doing respectable things. I would go out of my way to do something nice for a family member, even though I was nasty to them or whatever. I wanted them to see that I am the same person and that the time in my life when I went crazy are over. I wanted to let them know that I am a wonderful, beautiful, loving, and caring person. I wanted to let them know without having to say it, though. I wanted them to see it. I started waking up thinking what one thing I can do that day that makes me happy. The one day was washing my mom’s car. Not that I love doing it, but it made me happy that I made her happy rather than sad. Another day I wanted to go for a walk in the park and breathe in the crisp, fall air. Another day I called an old friend that I haven’t talked to in years. After a while, doing things to make me happy started coming naturally without having to think about it. Making others happy was making me happy, and spending time by myself relishing in the beauty around me really started helping me feel better. Once I started feeling like I was a wonderful, beautiful, caring, and loving again was momentus. I You can’t be happy with anyone else if you aren’t happy with yourself first. I learned to love myself again, rather than hate the monster I had become. I brought my self-esteem and self-worth back, and you can to. When a child does something bad, then another, and another, and each time he is scolded and told he’s bad, he will start believing it himself and really have a low opinion of who he is. It’s like that with grown-ups too. Some are very strong that won’t let anything anyone says bring them down, but I think most of us unfortunately aren’t like that.

Once you start feeling better about yourself, make amends with people you’ve hurt, and once you start living life again, you will find another wonderful “love of your life” woman. Self-confidence is very attractive.

I’m sorry about what your ex girlfriend went through. It had to be tough for her. She probably needed time to herself to take everything in. She may never want to get back with you and I hope you are okay with that. There have been a couple of guys that I thought were custom-made for me by God and the love of my life; I would’ve done anything for them. I think you have to watch when you start feeling like this about someone. I know in my case I got maniacal and smothering. That is a big turn off for guys and girls. I don’t know how you were with your ex, but maybe she felt smothered. Maybe not. The main point being, there are so many women out there that will make you feel lovesick and ready to murder for them (figuratively speaking of course). You just have to work on yourself before they are going to be drawn to you.

We all lose people close to us and it sucks big time. It’s something every human has to go through at some point in their life. I dread the day I lose my parents, but I know it’s inevitable and I just have to try and live life not worrying about it. I have a son and believe me, I could have a breakdown thinking about losing him! I hope you find relief in your sadness and grieving of lost loved ones. Grieve however long it takes; you will eventually learn to accept that they are gone though you still hate it. I believe I will see them again, and that brings me comfort. I grieved for a while first, of course. One has to. It’s normal.

You are somebody, you are an important human being, you are a beautiful person. Don’t let any negative actions you’ve done in the past take over who you think you are. It’s never too late to clean the slate. Good luck to you and go live life again.

God Bless and Good Luck My Friend