i cut myself…im depressed…..i have no one to talk to…suicide?…..what do i do?
hello everyone……. i know its long, maybe you will read this and help me. id appreciate it
iv grown up with a mother who has schizophrenia, anxiety, and depression.
she is a drunk and used to do drugs, she married my dad when they were 20 and 21 had my sister and 2 years nine months later had me.
everytime my mom gets upset she rampages, she rips at my hair, throws things crazily, gets drunk, gets angrier, and sometimes hits me. i went to school till i was in 2nd grade where they told my mother i should see a psychiatrist because i “reacted in an unusual behavior to things” and thought i had a mental illness, pretty much because i was terrified of everyone and flinched when they brought there hands toward me. and started crying and ran away if i ever got in trouble or anything.
my mom didnt like that so she decided to homeschool me. but she never taught me anything i just did nothing, and everyonce in a while when she did teach me, if i got a singe thing wrong she would go crazy screaming and abusive behavior.
i finaly got the guts up to convince my parents to let me go to highschool for my freshmen year which my dad thought would be amazing because he is normal and awesome, but my mom relucantly let me do it………. i got average grade i think maybe below average, first semester 2.8 gpa second 2.3 gpa
my dad was tremendously proud but my mom went crazy angry everytime i got something under an A
my dad finally decided to divorce her after being terrified into behaving for her….. for 17 years.
but while that cured his problems and he met a wonderful woman, it made my life 100x worse.
i cant even explain……
so i used to have alot of friends but they all left because i started pushing them away, because they were always asking what was wrong when i was sad but i cant tell them, they woudnt understand…….
so now all i have are 2 friends from school who are just like me but they do drugs and alcohol which i dont.
i only get to see my wonderful dad 3 days a month and the rest of the time i am stuck with my mother.
she hates me even tho she denies it i dont believe her because she always moves from house to house apartment to apartment, i have had 18 homes in my life, 10 of them this last 2 years. and we have been in the current place, a apartment since april in which all i have in my room is a mattress and a garbage can, that it.
she gets over 2,000 dollars child support for ME 2 tims a month, yet she spends it all on herself.
i took karate..tae kwon do for 2 years because i was so terrified of my mother hurting me.
and while this story sounds kinda sad, you have no idea…. the pain, the feeling that nobody loves you, nobody can save you, your trapped, yur ugly, fat, depressing to be around, and what iv told you isnt even half the story…. she has thrown a water jug at my head so hard that i passed out and she didnt even care she just left me on the ground.
i cut myself… nobody knows, its my secret obbsesion. i consider suicide every day but i dont for the hope that someday i can fly away from this horror once and for all and have a life of my own and heal from this maybe get a therapist.
i have scars all over my body, i hide them from everybody, NOBODY knows, i cry myself to sleep everynight, and its just been getting so hard lately its overwhelming i feel like im going to shatter into a million peices and never get back together.
i dont know what to do, maybe if i just kill myself now it would be so much easier, its not like anybody would miss me, or notice that i was gone.
i just dont know what to do, the dream of escaping seemes to be dissapearing….. theres no way out… i dont know what to do.
my sister was treated in the same way but she is diffrent then me, i act out in dramatic ways…..cutting depression ect. she doesnt act out she takes everything calmly, but i know it hurts her bcase she is insanly antisocial, shes 17 and hasnt had a single friend or even anyone to talk to not even online since she was 11, but at least she can almost escape, im still 14 so i got another 4 years of helll waiting for me….. i cant seek teh school guidance counselor, they send alerts to my parents anytime i do anything, trust me, iv asked
this is a real story, my father is very wealthy, he owns his own company, but with paying for himself, my mother and his girlfriend plus paying off major debt thaqt my mother caused its been really tough for him,im not POSITAVE about the amount for child supporr, i hjust know the check says 2,000 dollars, maybe that includes my sister, im not sure. the mattress isnt exact6ly bare, it has a mattress pad and sheets, and in the winter when its cold a sleeping bag.
I cannot seek adult help! my father i barely ever see and when i do i pretend to be happy so that the time can be enjoyable but the time with him a ctually isnt enjoyable because the whole time im with him im just dreading leaving. im not close to any relatives, there distant people who live far away i barely know them, all my teachers are jerks, and i literally have no adult to help me. i dont want to call any police type thing on my mother becase im hoping that i can last throughout the next 4 years just long enuf then i can escape without any mess, because deep down in shes an ok person but her childhood was f-ed up so bad rape, father left, mother didnt care, running away and ever coming back at 16 y/o mother didnt care, that kinda shit. so she just takes it out on me
thankyou veryone for your feedback it means alot….. i cannot live with my dad…… so i gess goodluck to me for the next 4 years….. ill try to keep my eyes on the prize. thankyou
Tagged with: depressed.....i • myself...im • Talk • to...suicide.....what
Filed under: Alcohol Depression Cures
Like this post? Subscribe to my RSS feed and get loads more!
Sweetie, you’ve had so much going on. You need more than yahoo answers can give you. Call 1-800-SUICIDE and talk with someone. I’m not trying to dismiss you; quite the opposite. I think you have a lot to talk about and need some help. Hoping all goes well….
it sounds like you’ve had a really tough life, but killing yourself is not the answer. you need to talk to the school guidance councelor (spelled that wrong, sorry), but see if she or he can help you at all.
i highly doubt if your mom would let you seek therapy. you didn’t mention how old you are or what happened to your sister. was your sister treated this way also?
even though your story was long, it left out alot of detail. i wish i could help you more. you can look at my profile and im or e mail me sometimes if you want someone just to chat with, i am usually on
here. Good Luck to you dear and please dont consider hurting yourself anymore than you already have.
I really wish I could tell you exactly what to do to solve your problems but I don’t know what to tell you
Is there any way your father could help you? You can’t go through all of this alone and he is the first person you should turn to. He must know what is going on.
If he doesn’t help, you have to ask for help somewhere else. Is there any adult there that you trust? If there is someone, just talk to them, tell them all the things you said here.
There are always people who care and suicide is never a solution. Believe me, you are stronger than that and much stronger than you think. Just ask for help, please. Someone will be there for you.
ok, first u need to move away from your mom completely. as u grow up u’ll relise ur attitude is becoming like ur mother’s. which is something u dont want. if u like it with ur dad, move with him and start a fresh new life. cutting and hurting yourself is for sure NOT going to do anything but make you feel horrible-er. join groups and activities, maybe sports what ever will make you happy, and just spend some of your time with something fun and make you proud of yourself. Get medical attention, its not going to make you feel like u have a mental illness because u dont, just in a huge mess, and maybe a psychiatrist will help you sort it out and talk to you about things, at least u won’t have all the load shoved inside you. don’t ever go to the drug way, its just temporary crap that will get you away from ur mess but not solve it, just like sugar coating something then it melts away and your back to how it was before, its just going to make you weaker in not able to face the truth and the real problem, but what is best is avoiding it in the first place. honestly, dont waste your life becuase a dumbass fucked theirs up and now its affecting you.
PS. their is alot of people that can help you through**
Oh, sweet, precious girl. I know it sounds cheesy, but you aren’t alone. I’m 21, and just starting to get to the point where my life is healing, and while our stories aren’t exactly the same, I do know what it feels like to think no one loves you, or worse, you’re not worthy of love.
I grew up without my dad; he left before I was even born. There’s been a noticeable hole in my heart for as long as I can remember – a need for strong, loving arms, a need for someone to tell me I’m beautiful, to believe in me. They say that 80% of teen mothers didn’t have a father figure, and that’s why they reach out to any young man who is nice to them…it’s a miracle I wasn’t one of them. I actually think God helped me out with that in a creative way: I’ve been overweight most of my life, and thus unattractive to most of the boys I liked. In a way, I think this protected me. Starved for male affection and approval, I was constantly reaching out for love and not finding it. I managed not to give away my body completely, but I did end up giving a few kisses I now regret. But anyway. About my mother – let me preface this with the fact that she gave up her whole life for me, to be a single mom and care for me, and she has always provided for me and, I believe, loved me the best way she knows how. However, she is a yeller, too, like your mom. I remember having stuff thrown at me when I was little, and being genuinely scared of her. She would go nuts and get so, so upset and angry at what seemed like such small things. To this day, in my early twenties, I still hate the sound of shouting. I still flinch and it still freaks me out to the point that I don’t like to be around people who are loud or constantly yell.
Anyway, all that to say, I have been there – at least to the place where you feel like giving up, where you feel like nothing is worth it, and wonder if you’re ever going to get out. But you will. The fact that you want to find a way out, you want to get help and be healed, you want to have a different and healthy, good life – that’s a start. Some of us are dealt a crappy hand in life, but listen to me: that does not define us. You are not going to end up like your mom. You can change your life. And if you have a relationship with God, that helps too.
If you need someone to talk to, I’m happy to listen, though you’ll have to forgive my possible lack of good advice, since I am not a therapist. I think your idea to see one is fantastic, and you should pursue that as much as you can – maybe there is a free clinic in your area, if money is an issue? Or one with a sliding fee scale. Anyway, if I can be of any help at all, or if you just want some encouragement and a friend, feel absolutely free to email me at cattie.price@gmail.com. I don’t know what I can do for you besides tell you you are awesome and the world would be worse off without you – but it’s true. And as I heard in a movie once, there are plenty of great people who had jerks for parents, and we’ve got to stick together.
Also, I’ll be praying for your situation.
I never know if these questions are real. I am wondering about your mother receiving $4000 a month in child support. That is a huge amount unless your father were very wealthy and you did not indicate that.
I would like to offer constructive advice but I hate wearing away the tips of my fingers to amuse someone who just likes to make up stories. I am not saying this is the case but on one hand you sleep on a bare mattress with only a garbage can in the room but took Karate…tae Kwon do for two years and someone had to pay for it. Write to me for advice or I will consider this just a story.
you need some form of professional help. does you dad know what your mother does? maybe first talk to him, from what you’ve said about him he sounds like a good dad i think that’s what you should do first. your mother doesn’t even deserve that title, she sounds like she needs help herself, does she see any health professionals? I’m from england so i don’t really understand your school systems but SURELY you must have councilors there? maybe you could go see your doctor? social services? or even ring the police when she hits you? there is sooo much help out there you just need to ASK!
you sound like a confused, broken young lady but you shouldn’t allow this to go on, however suicide should not be an option think of your dad? i used to cut myself to, so i can kind of relate to that it becomes an addictive release. but it does not help long term, think of when your older and you still have these scars, you’ll no doubt want a relationship eventually and imagine having to explain to your children how mummy got the scars? it’s heartbreaking but you have the option to stop it becoming a vicious cycle!
you do not need to be away from you mother in order to seek help from a therapist, speak to a teacher or an adult you trust. those little steps get the ball rolling, you need HELP, someone to listen and to care. everybody needs help at some point in there life and asking for it is nothing to be ashamed of, obviously your ‘friends’ don’t seem to be to supportive but there MUST be someone, you must have someone you can talk to, don’t be hesitant about asking. suicide it not an option, it may be an easy way out but no-one said it was supposed to be easy
goodluck x
Hey! I’m sorry to hear all that you’ve been through. My uncle is a schizophrenic, and even though i’ve had limited contact with him, i’ve heard just how devastating and destructive that illness can be. First of all, i don’t want you to lose that hope you have that things could get better. It certainly can, it just doesn’t seem like it right now. Is there any possibility of you going to live with your dad? Is this an option for you at all? It doesn’t seem best that you live with your mum, and even though (from your description) she may get quite angry, she isn’t providing you with a stable and loving environment. This is not in your best interest, and what would be is living somewhere where you have that stability. You said your dad was a wonderful guy. Would he allow you to live with him?
Never give up hope. Suicide is not the easy way out. It is one of the hardest things you could do (speaking from experience). It is absolute, final, there is no coming back and having another go, that’s it. I don’t know what you believe in, but i personally believe we only get one chance at life. One go to make it work. Some of us get dealt good cards, some of us bad. However, each of us must play that hand to the best of our ability. I know it must sound like a bad analogy, but plenty have come out winners when it looked like they would never get anywhere. One example i can give is my mother. She was physically and sexually abused throughout her childhood (that is actually the reason why my uncle is a schizophrenic, he is her brother). She went through all the things you’re going through physically, and more. She admitted that she had thought of killing herself at one stage but didn’t. Like you, she held out for a brighter day. And, in the end, it came. She grew up, left home and began making her own way through life. You also have this opportunity. When you start making your own way in life it is your choice, your call on everything. You call the shots about what does and doesn’t happen to you, you have complete freedom. You can build a better life for yourself and still achieve happiness, it is very possible.
But it is not easy, i understand that. I would encourage you to continue pressing hard at school. It doesn’t matter if you don’t get the best grades in the class, so long as you tried hard and you get good results that’s all that matters. Start thinking about where you want to go in life. If you have a plan or goal for you’re future, it’ll give you something to hold on to, something to work towards and look forward to when you graduate from school. It may even help you work past your current difficulties somewhat, knowing that each step you take is a step in the right direction, a step towards escaping your mother once and for all. Now might be absolute hell, but you still have you’re whole life ahead of you and in that part of you’re life, YOU are making the decisions. See if your dad will let you live with him. It might make things easier on you, and certainly seek therapy if you feel as though you need someone to talk to, someone to help you move past all this. You should not hate yourself for anything. You are simply someone caught in the cross fire. You sound like a very nice person who is quite strong, you must be to have come this far. Don’t give up now, you only have a short way ahead of you and then you can move on. Don’t lose hope, you are still valuable and do have a lot to offer even if you don’t feel like that right now. You are important. I wish you all the best for your future and hope things turn out better for you. Good luck.
I think a lot of what has been said already is fantastic so I’ll only add a couple of things.
You say you can’t live with your father; is that fact or what you personally think? If you haven’t directly asked him, do. I say this because I’m well aware how easy it is to say, “I can’t do this,” or “This isn’t possible,” when you feel so dreadful but it can be just your feelings and not facts. Ask him, if you haven’t, please! At the least, you may be able to have a few days there as a time away from your mum and take the time to discuss it during that time. Court orders can be changed, if it’s court orders that make you say you have to live with your mum. Unless things are very different over there, a child making a decision by going to the other parent’s place tends to hold a lot of sway in court and your father would be able then to go to them and say, “She came to me because she wants to live with me. Please let her and release me from having to pay child support.” Chances are high that the court would agree, so if you were thinking dad would have trouble affording you living there, now you know that he should be able to stop paying your mum and use the money directly for you himself. If you go that road, find out if your sister could do the same and suggest it. Sounds like she needs it, too.
You’ve had offers to be in touch with people. Take it up. I can’t make the same offer because I’m just about coping with the stresses we have and are supporting people around us in, and being in different time zones will mean I’ll get less sleep than I currently am, probably not a smart move. But at least one other person has been where you are so that makes them worth being in touch with. They’ll relate better than I can too because apart from Mum and Dad arguing often enough to remember, they were pretty good parents.
Hang in there… life WILL improve whether now or later. And try to get at least one decent person back as a friend, even if you won’t be spending a lot of time with them; just someone to let off steam with from time to time (about teachers too!) and goof off with and be silly with; clowning and joking around with people is good for us.
YOU NEED TO CALL YOUR DAD NOW!!!!! call him tell him how you really feel stop pretending you are okay when you are not your father lived with her as you say for 17 years… by pretending you are all happy and cheerful he has NO idea you are not and that you need his help to get out of that awful situation you are in
you need to know he loves you… and at 14 you probably do not see him as often as you would like because he thinks you would rather hang out with friends on the weekends than hang out with him… you need to let him KNOW today…now miserable you are and let him help you..
Please do not wait.. my daughters best friend hung herself last night and today. everyone in town is shocked and sad and dumb founded because like you she was a girl who was going into 12th grade next year she played sports did cheering and had a bunch of friends and always pretended to be the happiest sweetest girl in the world …she never talked to anyone no one knew she was that miserable and felt that hopeless and now it is too late she is gone it is a Waste she should of talked to someone just like you should talk to your dad TODAY!! you have so many adventures left in your life you are so young you have boys and college and dating and I promise you that you will date a bunch of boys before you are in your 20′s and old enough to want to get married and settle down.. some will break your heart Some of them you will break their heart but that is all part of life and helps you learn what you truly what your future husband to be like when you get married someday..one day soon you will be off to college then when you graduate you will off on your own and in your own place and doing your own thing live for that day focus all your hard work in school and life to reaching towards the goal of going off to college…and go for it.
YOu have to choose to be happy in life… and do the things you love even as a kid….no one or nothing is worth killing yourself over…
There has been some great advice given here and all I can do is reiterate most of it. I’m guessing you are about 15 if your sister is 17. You are too young to deal with this by yourself so you really do need to get help. You could start with a telephone hotline – different countries have different hotlines so I can’t tell you which one. These people are trained to help you in a non-judgemental way. Other people to talk to would be your father, a school counselor or a pastor if you go to church. I know you think you can’t talk to them but you do need help. Can you email or write to your father and tell him how you feel? If he left her because of her illness he should be able to appreciate what you are going through. He won’t know if you don’t tell him. Even if he can’t offer you a home he has a responsibility to ensure your safety and he can at least discuss the options with you. It sounds like you love your mother so you should think about whether involving social services would actually be the best thing for her as well as for you.
Be strong, Sweetie, and be aware that everything eventually passes behind you. Ring a hotline today.
God will always be there for us if we let him. Take your problems to God and leave them with him. Jesus is the way. If it’s ok with you could i speak to you one on one about your problems. Just click on my name and email me.
http://WWW.GIVESMEHOPE.COM
I love the above webstie. It seems to always lift my spirits.Continue to keep your eyes on the prize of imrpoving your grades and lookign forward to accomplishign your dreams. Please don’t cut yourself. Please stay strong.
Pray to God. I know its hard to see that he exists, but he does. He love you. His Son died for you. Check out on google the Vissionaries of Medujugoje, who recieve messages from Our Blessed Mother.
I don’t know if you’re religious but sometimes going to Church can really help. If you are able to recieive the Eucharist, that’s even better. It makes me feel better anyways.
I promise God’s always there to listen. Sometimes he’s there just to give us the strength to bear through the tough. And I can see that he’s given that strength upon you. Please never give up. Things always get better. You’ve made it thus far and you have your whole life ahead of you. I know you’ll do great things.
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”
Life isn’t about getting through the storm it’s about learning to dance and laugh in the rain.
Yesterdays history, tomorrows a mystery, and todays a gift which is why it’s called the present.
I’m praying for you. I know things will be okay.
If I could use only one sentence to point you toward lasting happiness it would be this: True happiness can only be found in God, for only He can meet the deepest yearnings of our hearts. Let me explain.
You see, we aren’t on this earth by accident. God created us, and He put us here for a reason: to know Him and to enjoy His presence in our lives, both now and throughout eternity. God even created us with an empty place in our hearts—an empty place that He alone can fill. The Bible says, “He has also set eternity in the hearts of men” (Ecclesiastes 3:11).
Whenever we try to fill that empty place with anything or anyone other than God, we are bound to fail. No matter how many things we have or how successful we are, that empty place is still there. But when we come to Christ, we discover that God loves us, and He makes us part of His family. More than that, He comes to live within us by His Holy Spirit. Think of it: God wants you to be part of His family forever—beginning now.
By faith turn to God and tell Him that you know you need Him. Then open your heart and life to Christ and ask Him to fill the empty places in your life. Jesus promised, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives” (John 14:27). Turn to Christ today and discover the joy and peace He alone can give.
For a FREE easy-to-read teen study Bible e-mail me.
David
believer_in_jesus37421@yahoo.com