I sent an “intervention” letter to a drug and alcohol-addicted family member and not I want to take it back!?
In a fit of passion and anger, I wrote an “intervention” letter to a close family member telling them I am sick of their alcohol and drug use, and that it is the cause of all their problems. I also insinuated that they might be mentally ill, not in a mean way, in a serious way (I truly believe this). This family member has been in and out of prison and had problems all his life. The issue: the night after I mailed the letter, I talked to the family member, and we cleared the air and everything, and he is going to seek treatment, attend church etc. Now I am dreading the moment he gets the letter, because some of it comes off as mean. I have been dealing with his addiction for a long time, and I finally just had to open the floodgates, but now i’m concerned he will feel isolated, guilt-ridden, or depressed due to the letter. What can I do? Should I ask him not to open it? Or is it good for him to have in writing my condition for our relationship (I told him I would no longer accept him drinking around me, etc). I just don’t want to kick him when he’s down! He’s been suicidal in the recent past! Help!!!!
Tagged with: alcoholaddicted • Back • drug • Family • Intervention • letter • member • sent • take • want
Filed under: Alcohol Guilt
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Generally it takes a slight kick into reality to get a person under the influence to get well. if you are truly as close as you say you are then it will actually help him to finally realize how you view his problem as.
the first answer is right.i had to lose everything before i got help.maybe warn him and let him know why you wrote what you did before he gets it.but a good eye opener is family speaking up.i’ve just in the last couple years got the respect from them back.especially my mom
I suggest you call your relative and tell him about the letter — let him know it’s in the mail and on it’s way. Then have him read what you just wrote (in your “question” to this forum) because it captures your fears as well as the fact (most importantly) that you care deeply about the person. Let him know you’re willing to talk again once he’s read the letter to work through the emotions that may arise. I believe your authentic concern will shine through.
I would let him know that you would like the letter back because you wrote it based on your emotions. If he refuses to give it back & reads it, it is beyond your control. Alcoholics, until they really own up to their problem & genuinely get help, they will continue doing what they are doing with no regard for anyone else, including them self. Alcoholics are self centered pigs who inflict alot of pain on the people that love & care about them. It doesn’t matter who it is a brother, husband, cousin, sister, aunt, mother, father, uncle… etc etc etc. You have to learn to just walk away from any situation in life where one can make you fell uncomfortable & you owe them NO explanation. Life is way too short to expose yourself to people that are negative, alcoholics, druggies, etc. Just walk away.. period. There is so much help out thee that there isn’t ANY excuse not to get help. Your relative need to go to a clinic… right now, not another moment should pass .. if it does, it is just another excuse & they are not sincere. Good luck & please detach yourself from this person. You owe them NOTHING!!
…If you were attending alanon meetings…your sponsor would likely tell you about ‘restraint of pen and tongue’.
…Now you should call this person back and tell them about your anger and that you previously sent them a strongly worded letter, but that most of it was said out of hurt and love.